There's something about the place!

What is it about college that I miss so much? The time I spent there wasn't certainly the happiest of my life, but there were so many experiences and lessons packed into these brief three years! A confused eighteen year old entering a world in which everything was unfamiliar. It was all uncovered ground - no-one she knew could help her out: she had to learn everything from scratch, there was no other choice. There were so many false starts, so many endless hours and depressing days. But then there came a day when she could say: I'm happy that I was sad: I know how happy I'm now, I'm happy I was confused: I'm not afraid of confusion anymore. And college gave me the time and space to experience all this all the way. In college, there was enough acceptance to do many wonderful things if you wanted to, do a few things if you were in the mood, or dream away your days if you wanted to do nothing at all. After a lifetime of running and achieving and always having a fixed, external standard to compare yourself to, it was nice to learn that there are so many different standards or none at all, and that you choose what you want to compare yourself to (if at all!) As a result, although college was seething with different activities, there was always a background of peace and leisure. The noisy main corridor transformed into a quiet walk by the afternoon and when you walked on the silent brick pathways, under a cover of green, surrounded by symmetric, ruddy walls of brick in the distance, you could feel the history of the place; almost hear all the footsteps that had walked there before you, all those voices which had eagerly discussed new ideas or laughed languidly and you could sense the slow passage of time.
College was the place where for the first time I saw how seriously people took the society we live in and the laws that run it and how seriously they were making an effort to understand it, change it or simply describe it. I learnt to appreciate current affairs, history, economics and politics and I realised that I enjoyed these things too. Interacting with people who thought differently and had different value systems opened up so many different dimensions in me. I realised that I had a voice, and I could use it to express what I felt about the world I lived in and the world which lived inside of me. Just talking about so many issues made me realise how strongly opiniated and prejudiced I was, and how funny these opinions were. I became conscious of the all the walls inside of me and about how much bulldozing and rebuilding I had to do.
And of course, some of my best class room experiences were in college. I realise now that some of the teachers who taught us were teachers in the true sense. They inspired us, cajoled us, scolded us and cared for us. And at the end of three years of bitching about them, mimicking them, and talking-eating-dreaming in class, I realised that I walked away with a very good bargain. Because they transferred their excitement, their passion to us and thats the only reason why I'm doing physics today. I learnt to see physics in a wavelength I didn't know existed and I was initiated into at least trying to do a bit of it on my own. As I listen to someone droning away in the university classroom today, I find myself desperately wishing for that excitement in a voice, on a face or those dramatic hand wavings we used to smile at. :)
Apart from seeing the world in a new way, what I will always carry with me is the way I learnt to look at myself and the people around me. But I really don't know if I should attribute this to Stephen's in particular or just staying away from home. When I came to college, I used to look at things through such fine-meshed filters that hardly anything passed through. I came to realise that I don't need all these filters: the least I can do is let a bit more of the light. Events and personalities aren't black and white; they aren't grey either - they are colourful. I'm not inherently evil or mean or beyond redemption, I just need time. As more and more light passed through, I realised how easily I used to pass totally unnecessary judgements on myself and others. Why is being gentle and forgiving and understanding so underrated? I've tried the opposite and its enough to drive a perfectly sane person crazy. And once you stop judging yourself, you suddenly get so much more air to breathe, so much more light to see with, and so much more freedom to find out who you are. You become increasingly comfortable with who you are - more accepting of your faults and more encouraging of your positives. And when you stop judging others, you just have so much more fun! I learnt to get along with and have fun with people who agreed, people who disagreed, people who didn't give opinions, people who changed their opinions and people who couldn't care less. I began to actively listen to people and try and understand... even if it sounded like a crash course in French. And it really made a difference: not only do people appreciate the fact that you listen and care, you appreciate the fact that you're listening because you start thinking about what you really think. Of course, apart from the sharing and caring sentimentality, I had a ball! Suddenly, laughing was so easy, talking came naturally and i discovered that everyone has a sense of humour, although its on the weaker side in most of us :)