Realisations

One. That research needs a lot of self motivation. A LOT. And on the self motivation index, I score in the negatives. Some of the things I've heard recently: "Research just needs a lot of stamina. If you have the stamina, you'll get there." Another: "The reason why people take so much time to complete their phds is partly because of bad luck and partly because they get distracted easily and they aren't very self motivated." OH MY GOD. I have no stamina. I am not self motivated. I always, always need to be pushed. I get distracted very, very easily. Very often I suspect that I'm not even very intelligent. And sometimes I wonder if I really like physics that much in the first place. Hell, I don't even think I'm particularly lucky. There are of course good moments, but right now all that I see is a huge BUT.

Two. Love is irrational. Love is silly. Ephemeral too. But it's sweet at the same time. And it touches you like nothing else does. :)