More than 75% of my blog is a prolonged whine. Not a whine exactly. More like an outpouring about what exactly, or approximately is wrong with me, my friends, my world. And I'm not usually like this. (I'm sure some of you will disagree. :)) It's just that words come more easily when a smile doesn't. So now I make this attempt to write about the many things which are right with me and my world. I might not be a perfect person in a perfect world, but when you experience happiness, it is always perfect, complete. And there are many, many things which make me happy. And I'm lucky to have been able to experience these things.
I'm lucky that I know where I'm going. I know that I'm not in the best of places professionally, but I know where I would like to be. I'm lucky enough to have these wonderful moments when I'm convinced I'm in love with physics. I'm lucky to have experienced those moments of understanding, of feeling that excitement physics brings. Or those moments of exhaustion when you feel you've used every drop of rationality in your head, those moments in which you feel like you've accomplished something.
I'm lucky that I've been able to dance, no matter how 'late' it is. Each class of learning, of training my body, of aching muscles feels like a blessing. I'm lucky that I've been able to learn things I didn't think I would learn: like singing, or being patient, or coping with hurt. :)
I've been lucky that I've learnt so much, changed so much. I've been lucky to have met people who made me realise that change was necessary, even those people who made me insanely jealous, who made me acutely conscious of my inadequacies. I'm lucky to have met people who made me want to be like them. And more than that I've been lucky to have met people who made me want to be a better person. The people who encouraged me, believed in me and helped me negotiate doubt and find answers. I'm lucky to have made mistakes and I'm lucky to have waddled out of the mess I'd made. And I'm lucky that I have the chance to explore, to doubt, to make mistakes. That the people who care for me let me be all of this and more.
Today's happiness may feel insufficient, but it by no means incomplete. Can anyone ever be completely content and yet be happy? Isn't it natural to always want something? Because then you strive for it. And in that, we find happiness. And in that, we find contentment.
2 comments:
The feeling of contentment is nothing short of being blessed.
Having a sense of direction to your actions, freedom to commit mistakes with the assurance that there are people to correct you if you go a tad too wrong, the trust that there are people around who who want you to be a better person; there can be no more comforting feelings that these in such an imperfect world.
Contentment and happiness -- probably the contentment lies not in the belief that you've reached some landmark on your journey, but that you are constantly moving in a direction you perceive as the right one!
"True!" Unfortunately, the life time of the contented feeling is pretty short. So I thought that I better document it, before I start doubting its existence. Perhaps the greatest favour we can do for ourselves when we don't see the dream, is to still believe in it. :)
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