Hiatus

I’m writing this out of this desperation to write. I haven’t written in such a long time, and that’s weird. How can I be out of ideas? It’s not like there’s been an absence of stimulus. The last few weeks have been quite full of stimuli. And I have been thinking about quite a few things. But then I can’t find the words. And even I do find them, they seem banal. I seem incapable of original thought right now. And then I come across the sheer volume and quality of thoughts which are not mine. And they seem to suppress me more than encourage me. Seems cowardly in a way. Reminds me of a Salieri-Mozart discussion I had recently.

Genius dazzles us. We appreciate the beauty of what it produces. We clap our hands in appreciation. And then in an eclipse, we think about where we stand. About whether we will ever be perceived that way. About whether our words, our actions can ever make so much of an impact. About whether they will ever be regarded so heavily. And when we try weighing the depth of our soul, we perhaps steal from it. Because the only reason we do anything, try creating something, is because it’s fun. And because it absorbs us so completely. And because once we are done sweating it out, we love to stand back and give ourselves a pat on the back for what we’ve achieved. And the clumsiness of our efforts doesn’t seem to matter. It doesn’t make a difference if there is someone who can do in a day what it took a week for us to finish. And landed up doing a better job. Because we weren’t doing what we did so that we could judge it and tack on a price tag. We did it because we needed an outlet for all the energy and the creativity that we have. Sure, we might not have the best. But that doesn’t lessen the pleasure of learning, of creating one bit. The only challenge then is to keep reminding ourselves of this fact. And when we don’t need the reminding anymore, that’s the day we’re free.

Did I write this because I needed to reassure myself? Or because I meant it? But then, is it always necessary to assign a precise motive to every action? :)